January 7, 2013
"Since the principle underlying this process is the sharing of power, we sought out the “littler” moments when we could check-in and negotiate a consensual moment together. We ask about holding hands or exchanging hugs: “I’d like to hold hands. How would you feel if we did that?” We are not only holding hands; we are agreeing to, wanting to, even looking forward to holding each other’s hand and we’re telling each other so. Depending on the answer, the experience is being entered into consensually, and more than that, with desire. If she says “no,” we’ve gotten some information that has helped us to avoid unwanted touch and suggests, in case we had it in mind, that she’s probably not interested in intercourse (!) at that moment."

— Wow I seriously have never met anyone who was this gentle and respectful I don’t even know what to say! (from Teaching Sexual Ethics dot org)

December 12, 2011
To FOB or Not FOB

what the fuck is this shit this god awful article is so poorly written i want to rip my eyes and brain out and subject them to repeated, rigorous washing

October 23, 2011
you guys i think “upscale” is interwebz speek for “not a prostitute”, and “quality” obviously means “older gay needs beard”.

you guys i think “upscale” is interwebz speek for “not a prostitute”, and “quality” obviously means “older gay needs beard”.

(via slowheart-deactivated20120130)

11:02pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZYUzQyB2LyYc
  
Filed under: race sex dating 
October 21, 2011
Girls Should Not Seek Dating Advice from Their Mothers

If your parents are still together:

1. the last time she dated was before you were born

2. she chose your dad

3. she wishes she didn’t choose your dad

If your parents are no longer together:

1. the last time she was your age was before you were born

2. she chose your dad

3. she shouldn’t have chosen your dad

the end.

1:45am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZYUzQyAwr6BT
  
Filed under: daughter mother dating advice 
September 26, 2011

if you ever get to thinking ‘i don’t know what i’d do without you’, break up and find out!

July 6, 2011
GOWNS: dont-ever-tell-anyone-anything: Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who...

dont-ever-tell-anyone-anything:

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

these are some of my favorite lines:

1) They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

let’s not just jump to the technicality that while i like how some books smell, it actually has never occurred to me to SNIFF a book… let’s focus on the dangling modifier here, since i’m yellow, i especially can’t resist smelling the pages? hmm.

2) If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. […] Buy her another cup of coffee.

so i guess us black coffee gals just have to buy our own shit, right? (and non-dairy? is that supposed to indicate eco-consciousness or a fragile composition???)

3) Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book.

"but, by, god", and no.

4) You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet.

by, god, i have not lived! til the day i smile so hard i Actually wonder why my heart hadn’t burst and bled out all over my chest! i shall only be an apparition of a man, a ghost of a being! TIL THE DAY.

(Source: blitzkreigkate)

July 2, 2011
"Only someone still puppy eyed or someone totally beyond jaded would still date you. No one in between would though. Nobody that knows anything and hasn’t given up everything would really go that route."

another friend, assessing my ‘dateability’

(with friends like these, who needs enemies?)

10:21am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZYUzQy6gaCC2
  
Filed under: dating 
May 30, 2011
HEY YOU GUYS, QRISTINA POSTED THIS LINK

AVOIDANT

It is important for you to maintain your independence and you often prefer autonomy to intimacy. While you do want to be close to others, you feel uncomfortable with too much closeness and tend to keep your partner at arm’s length. You don’t spend much time worrying about being rejected. You tend not to open up to your partner and they often complain that you are distant. In relationships, you are often on high alert for signs of control or impingement by your partner. 

Whether you are single or in a relationship, you are always keeping people at a distance by using various ‘deactivating strategies’. These include: 

  • Saying ‘I’m not ready to commit’- but staying together, sometimes for years;
  • Focusing on imperfections in your partner: the way he talks, dresses etc;
  • Pining after an ex or waiting for The One;
  • Flirting with others to introduce insecurity into the relationship;
  • Not saying ‘I love you’- while implying you do have feelings for them;
  • Pulling away when it’s going well (eg not calling after an intimate date);
  • Forming impossible relationships, such as with a married man;
  • Avoiding physical closeness - for example, not wanting to share the same bed, not wanting to have sex, walking several strides ahead of your partner.
  • If you’re avoidant, you use these  strategies to make sure the person you love won’t get in the way of your autonomy. But, at the end of the day, these tools are standing in the way of you being happy in a relationship.

Y’all want to know how amazingly this matched up to my Saturday night/Sunday morning? I tried to sneak out of someone’s apartment. I drunkenly insisted that he can’t read to his face, over and over. I even made jokes about how his major primarily involved map-coloring. I designated squares for us to walk in so we could be physically apart. I insisted that I hated him for no real reason. And I kept saying I was never going to see him again… At least it looks like I was right about something! This reminds me of the professor.

February 19, 2011
"I got hit on at a bar by a much older man. He was good looking I guess for middle age but I don’t know if I’m ready to see fifty-year-old balls. I don’t think I’ve reached that level of depression. Although, ironically, just my being hit on by someone that old dragged my depression almost deep enough for me to consider it."

— Myka Fox just describing my night(s) out

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