July 25, 2014
We went to look at some horses, calmly. Yay, training!

We went to look at some horses, calmly. Yay, training!

July 24, 2014

Lady in workout gear power walking wearing a burnout tank that reads “I can’t keep calm I’m getting married”. Smh.

July 23, 2014
Ordered a handheld vacuum to combat pet hairs left behind by the Roomba— box is complete with picture of mortified cat who looks reasonably like it could be my cat’s brother!

Ordered a handheld vacuum to combat pet hairs left behind by the Roomba— box is complete with picture of mortified cat who looks reasonably like it could be my cat’s brother!

July 22, 2014
newyorker:

A cartoon by David Borchart. For more cartoons from this week’s issue, visit www.newyorker.com/humor.

Often I wish I did have an imaginary friend.

newyorker:

A cartoon by David Borchart. For more cartoons from this week’s issue, visit www.newyorker.com/humor.

Often I wish I did have an imaginary friend.

July 22, 2014

salon:

Child welfare experts responded with outrage.

wut?

July 20, 2014
newyorker:

A cartoon by Christopher Weyant. Click-through for a slide show of more wine-themed cartoons from our archive: http://nyr.kr/1mYJr3A

newyorker:

A cartoon by Christopher Weyant. Click-through for a slide show of more wine-themed cartoons from our archive: http://nyr.kr/1mYJr3A

(Source: newyorker.com)

July 19, 2014
Hi

Need martini and pancake.

July 17, 2014
Other first world retiree problems

that moment when a restaurant dress code is ‘business casual’ rather than ‘smart casual’. Why yes, this is my business casual, I’m in the business of looking like a 25 year old Asian Ina Garten.

July 17, 2014
First world retiree problems

That awkward moment when, on the way somewhere, you autopilot to the right side of the street to be out of the sun but it’s actually sunnier you just didn’t realize it at first because it’s your first time heading out before noon.

July 17, 2014
fill in the blank lyrics

in my head it always goes:

"I’m so fancy/you already know/necromancy/from LA to Tokyo"

because I don’t know the actual words.

9:28am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZYUzQy1LkQpWQ
Filed under: iggy azalea fancy 
July 15, 2014

In other recent news, I flagged a review on Yelp! where the guy ended the review with something like “my girlfriend didn’t know what to do with the 3D glasses so she just dropped them in the recycling bin. LOL WOMEN”. My explanation for flagging the review was just “LOL WOMEN”. Yelp! emailed me and said that they didn’t find that offensive. WTF YELP!.

July 15, 2014

I hate it when people say “I’m a [blank] whore” (brand/food/gadget etc). How are you expecting people to respond when you declare that? 

10:14pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZYUzQy1Lc2mop
  
Filed under: whore speech 
July 15, 2014

I need to see a dzo in the flesh before my life can make sense again. #scrabbleproblems

July 15, 2014

Someone stole my credit card information and s/he got some gas, went to a liquor store, pulled out cash, ate McDonald’s, and then had a grand ol’ shopping spree at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Even charging $1 meter parking to my card on 3 separate occasions. I’m kind of amazed.

3:04pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZYUzQy1LZua7H
  
Filed under: ny credit card fraud 
July 14, 2014

I’m at odds with myself.

I can’t even.

2:54pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZYUzQy1LTk7ET
  
Filed under: LOLOLOLOLOL 
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